Tag: Careers

Relationship Goals

Do offer to help him/her before the he/she asks.

Don’t be all forceful about it and give help if it’s not wanted/needed.

Do let him/her know they’re doing a good job and are appreciated.

Don’t wait until he/she has to call attention to be appreciated.

Do be supportive whether or not things are going right.

Don’t say “I Told You So” when things go wrong.

Do apologize when you screw up, because you will screw up. We all do.

Don’t act like Mr./Mrs. Perfect. You’re not. Nobody is.

Don’t criticize his/her choices – you’re one of them.

Do learn to accept advice or help from him/her when you need it. We all need help sometimes.

Don’t treat him/her like they don’t know anything. After all… why would you marry an idiot? Did he? Did she?

Do be willing to prepare and serve him/her drinks, meals, etc.

Don’t think it’s beneath you. It’s not.

Do share the chores. You both make a mess sometimes.

Don’t think he/she is the only one who should clean up. Again… you both make the mess, you should both clean up. Your not children. Don’t act like you are.

When having a disagreement, do not negate his/her feelings or block them out when they’re talking to you. Their feelings are just as valid as yours.

Do respect him/her.

Don’t use “always” and “never”. Nobody “always” does something and “never” isn’t possible until you’re dead.

**Pro Tip** If your significant other is screaming and crazy, go look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason.

Got kids? Share the responsibility. It took two people to make them, it’s going to take two people to raise them.

Do always work on having the best relationship that you can possibly have.

Do not compare other relationships to yours or other partners to yours. Chances are someone else is looking at your relationship and your partner and wishing they had what you have.

Do remember – You could always have it better, you could always have it worse.

In a marriage, there is no such thing as “man’s work” or “woman’s work”. That is an archaic way of thinking, that needs to be done away with by both sexes. It’s about mutual respect. Marriage is, above all, a partnership that should be built on love and that mutual respect. You should both be doing everything within your power to take care of one another.

Ladies: Serving your man dinner, packing him a lunch or making him a cup of coffee, isn’t a sign of oppression. It’s a sign of care, respect and love.

Men: Serving your woman dinner, packing her lunch, making her coffee are ways you can show the lady you love and honor her. Cook her a nice meal, dish it up, and serve it to her. If you think it will detract from your manhood, think again buddy. You’re likely to be rewarded for that later.

Ladies are you listening? Feminism doesn’t mean you should never do anything for your man, it means knowing your worth and setting a high standard to ensure that you have a man who values you. It does not mean that you should never do anything nice for him, it means that you’re secure enough within your womanhood, to be okay with taking care of him and letting him take care of you back.

Men there is no place for chauvinism in a relationship in the 21st century. It never should have been a thing to begin with. Get over it.

After all, ladies and gentlemen… more than men and women, we are all human, and we all want to be cared for, loved and respected.

In matters of money, don’t compare paychecks and brag about who makes more, or belittle the one who makes less. That will make one of you feel like crap, and will undermine the relationship/partnership.

Bills should be shared or another arrangement can be made for other contributions as a whole. In other words, if one of you is a stay-at-home parent, and yes, men can be stay at home parents… that counts as a job. I know. I raised 5 boys by being a stay-at-home mom for a real long time and I worked my ass off everyday. Paychecks? Nope. Rewards? Yep. Equality.

Make smart decisions about money spending. You should never have to ask for permission to buy something, but you should always be willing to talk about a reasonable price range before the purchase is made, to be sure it’s affordable in relation to food and bills.

Never, never, never… say to him/her, “how much money did you spend?” in anything other than an accounting context for keeping track of your finances. You are not his/her father/mother. He/she is not your child.

Always remember, love is more important than anything else. Love the one you’re with, treat him/her the way you want to be treated, don’t play games. Life and love are not games. You can’t win everything, but you can lose everything. Remember that.

One last thing… stop with this BS statement: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

All that is, is a feeble attempt to justify rotten behavior that will eventually become the deciding factor in the end of what could have been a great relationship.

Nobody should have to “handle you” at your worst, or “deserve you” at your best. Grow up!

Many blessings… C.A. Bennett – Writer/Wife of 29 years and still learning.

What Is a Writer?

Someone recently joked with me about my writer status. I don’t recall the exact wording, but the conversation was something like,

Him: “You say you’re a writer, but what have you published?”

Me: “A few newspaper articles, and I have a regular blog, plus I’ll be submitting my manuscript after I do the rewrite, then most likely work on finishing the other three manuscripts I have  in progress. How about you?”  (as politely as possible)

Him: “Well nothing, but…”

I didn’t take it personally, but it made me think about the definition of what a writer really is. I think most people think of a writer as someone who has published at least a few books and probably made a decent living doing it. However, that may not always be the case.

Merriam Webster defines a Writer as follows;

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When I think of a writer, I think of a person who writes something… anything…. because he or she loves to write, and is passionate about their chosen topics, genres, or styles – Period. Whether or not that person is a published author, is something different, and not necessarily the goal for everyone who writes. A writer may or may not ever want the world to see his or her work, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make them less of a writer.

What does bother me, is that there are people out there who believe if another person doesn’t fit their idea of what something is, then there’s no way they could possibly ever be that. They’re wrong. A person is who or what they believe they are and feel passionate about, regardless of what another person tries to validate them as.

I have one son, who is a gifted artist. The man has a great deal of natural talent in drawing, and really should do what he can to pursue a career in the art field. He also happens to be a meat cutter for a major grocery chain. That doesn’t make him not an artist.

Yet another two of my sons are quite the talented guitarists and singers. They also happen to work for an influential men’s clothier, and wear custom made suits to work each day. That doesn’t mean they aren’t singers and guitarists.

I could go on, but for now, I’ll let it rest there.

So what’s the point?

What you do for your employment, doesn’t define you. Your natural, God-given talents are a real and viable part of who you are as a person. Your job, is just what you’ve been trained to do for money, so you can sustain your lifestyle and survive.

King David started out as the youngest son of a farmer a sheep breeder. No one would have believed the son of a sheep breeder would ever be the King of Israel and direct ancestor of Jesus of Nazareth, who was a carpenter, and became the Messiah. But they were and they did.

Got that? Your job is what you do. Not who you are.

So who are you? What do you want to be? What can you do to make that happen? Do you want to do it professionally, or is it just for fun? There is no right or wrong answer. Only you, (and God) should be allowed to define who and what you are, and never take someone else’s word or opinion for it, because they aren’t you.

So who are you?

Blessings,

C.A. Bennett – Writer

Multiplicities

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You can be anything you want to be!

That’s what I told my kids when they were kids. They’d come to me and say, “Momma! I want to be a Fireman!” or maybe one would say, “Can I be a police man when I grow up?” and of course, being the mom who believed in the endless potential of my littles that I was, I naturally told them they could be ANYTHING they want to be!

And to this day, I truly believe that, with all my heart.

Not to sound overly partial, but I have some really awesome, and multi-talented kids. I’ve seen them change from one thing, to another, with still more to come. There is a seemingly endless ability to reinvent themselves, depending on their current situation in life and how they respond to it, and I am never disappointed with their progress.

But I didn’t come here today, to  rave about my completely amazing adult children.

A few days ago, my husband was talking to me about my status as a college student, future Teacher, or Counselor, (I haven’t decided yet) current employment status as a Behavior Specialist, and Writer, plus the Ordained Minister thing, which I’m not currently practicing in any form other than internet posts – He said something I thought was interesting, and in fact, it stopped me in my tracks. After naming off the aforementioned statuses, he said;

How can you be all those things? You should just pick one and go with it.

Being me, my first response was, “Why?” because I’m a ‘why’ kind of gal. I like to – scratch that – I NEED to know the reason behind things. I can’t do algebra, without knowing why something is calculated the way it is. I once took a Rubik’s Cube apart to find out why the colors line up the way they do, because simply accepting it wasn’t good enough for me.

The ultimate question for me in this particular instance, is; Why should a person settle for being only one thing? What if you want to be more than one? I’m a wife and a mother, not just one or the other, so why can’t I be a teacher, and a writer, and a minister, and a behavior specialist? I am also a weaver, crocheter, knitter, and general crafter of anything that catches my fancy. I like it like that. If you are talented at or only want to be or do only one thing, then by all means – be that one thing and do it to the best of your ability. As long as you’re happy, and you aren’t hurting yourself or anyone else, then by God, DO IT!

But – If like me, you happen to be good at multiple things, and you have a desire to BE all those things, then why shouldn’t you? In the words of the United States Army, “Be all that you can be!”

I’d like to leave with you, a favorite quote, by one of my favorite authors;

If God gives you something you can do, why in God’s name wouldn’t you do it? – Stephen King

Truer words were never spoken. Now get up, go find out what you can do, and DO IT!

Many blessings, and Happy Sunday!

C.A.Bennett – Writer – and a whole bunch of other pretty cool things!