Tag: Comedy

The Aftermath

peanuts-thanksgivingWhen I embarked on this magical journal we affectionately refer to as “Thanksgiving” over a month ago, (yes that’s correct, my family actually began the planning process for a ritual gathering, and feast complete with the sacrificial poultry in early October, because they – not me, this time – are nuts) I had no clue that I would spend the day after, aka Black Friday, in a food-induced coma that would last nearly twenty-four hours. Seriously, I have been sitting in the same chair, looking at the same computer, for the past twelve hours, doing absolutely nothing whatsoever. I can’t even remember what I’ve been looking at, or reading, with the exception of this hilarious video of How Kids React to Typewriters.

I swear, I’m not making this up! I actually ate fairly sparingly yesterday compared to years past, but what I did eat, mainly consisted of sugar, or bread, or – God help me – a deadly combination of both in the form of that all-time holiday staple – Monkey Bread. Add the homemade caramel candies I’d prepared the night before, and the pecan pie my eldest son brought, and by 3 o’clock yesterday afternoon, I had a case of sugar overload so bad, I thought I was going to die. Like – literally – go to the hospital with a case of instant diabetes that kills you on the spot, happy-thanksgiving-thank-you-very-much – D.I.E.

I had the shakes

I was totally exhausted and weak all over

I had a headache

I was dying of thirst

Then it hit me – the past couple months, I’ve been attempting to avoid sugar as much as possible, then all at once, completely bombarded my system with the stuff by direct consumption and topped it off by carb-loading, which of course, turns straight to sugar in your body. I also had too much coffee and a cup of tea, not nearly enough water and zero protein. Oh good. Caffeine + the Sugar Mother-load, dehydration and nothing to help metabolize this toxic combination. Awesome idea, Crystal. Good job!

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we attack obviously unhealthy concoctions with reckless abandon at least twice a year – Thanksgiving and Christmas in my case – all in the name of holiday cheer? I have a two part theory;

1. Commercialism.

2. Tradition –  which in many cases stems from commercialism.

All that aside, I had a very nice time with my family, with the exception of the gratuitous – and also traditional – thanksgiving argument between my mother and I on our differing cooking techniques, which unfortunately took place in the middle of her front yard this year. I’m not entirely certain we were overheard by any of her neighbors, and it didn’t come to blows, so I suppose it’s was fairly well ended, when I conceded the match in favor of not ruining it for the rest of the family, which consisted of all five of my grown kids, my husband, and a variety of significant others. Any other day? “Look out, mom, them’s fightin’ words!”

Here’s the kicker… we have exactly thirty days till we do it all over again.

Happy Post-Thanksgiving Food Coma Day, folks! Many Blessings to all, and to all a good bite!

C.A.Bennett -Writer

Roadblocks & An Open Letter To Stephen King 

I gotta tell you, I am having a devil of a time with my book, and I don’t really know why. Okay, that’s not 100% true, I do have a couple theories.

#1. I stopped writing for a couple days to read “On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft” – by Stephen King. You may recall that I posted about it here at Who Are You, Anyway?! a few days ago, and promptly began to change everything I thought I knew about writing. After all, the man is a master in the field of literature!

#2. I changed the location of my desk, which is in a great location compared to before, however… it’s taken a few days to get used to the new location, and get comfortable again. I have Mr. King to thank for that as well, because it was, in fact, his idea to move the desk. I swear I am not crazy – look it up!

#3. I have been sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection, and very tired. Too tired even, to think properly, much less write anything good, as I found out while reviewing material today. Good lord, what was I thinking?!

#4. I have a retired husband who is in constant and apparently dire need of my unfailing attention.

#5. I have an addiction problem. I admit it; I’m totally addicted to Facebook. I can’t seem to stop! I’ll be in the middle of doing something, and just stop everything to check my Facebook app! Next thing I know, I’m watching videos of cute puppies wearing baby onesies while napping on a bed, and kitties hurling their fuzzy bodies into a variety of boxes and other containers never built to hold fuzzy kitties. Or – God help me – watching short videos of rapidly prepared, delicious-but-lethal-looking recipes. I actually had to leave my cell phone in another room for a few hours today, so I could focus on writing and abstain from social media.

So you see my predicament? So do I, and I know just what I need to do to correct it! I have to apologize to Stephen King. Didn’t see that coming, did you? Here’s the thing – in my previous post, I may have hinted that it didn’t matter what advice Mr. King or Hemingway, or other famous authors had to say about how I write, because I’m me and they’re them, and so on, and so forth.

While I still hold that to be true, and would say it again, I absolutely MUST note that Messrs. King and Hemingway are indeed literary forces to be reckoned with, and in no way would I dream of detracting from their expertise, no would I shun or otherwise “poo-poo” their advice on the craft of writing!

So what do you say, Mr. Stephen King? Can I have my clarity, focus, and imagination back now? Please? If you’re keeping it locked up in some little box on your desk in the corner, I’d surely appreciate it if you’d unlock and turn them loose. That is… if it’s not to much trouble? I have a book in progress, after all, and it’s pretty good, if I say so myself…

Your friend in literature,

C.A. Bennett – Writer