Tag: Communication

Decisions, Decisions….

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Relationship Goals

Do offer to help him/her before the he/she asks.

Don’t be all forceful about it and give help if it’s not wanted/needed.

Do let him/her know they’re doing a good job and are appreciated.

Don’t wait until he/she has to call attention to be appreciated.

Do be supportive whether or not things are going right.

Don’t say “I Told You So” when things go wrong.

Do apologize when you screw up, because you will screw up. We all do.

Don’t act like Mr./Mrs. Perfect. You’re not. Nobody is.

Don’t criticize his/her choices – you’re one of them.

Do learn to accept advice or help from him/her when you need it. We all need help sometimes.

Don’t treat him/her like they don’t know anything. After all… why would you marry an idiot? Did he? Did she?

Do be willing to prepare and serve him/her drinks, meals, etc.

Don’t think it’s beneath you. It’s not.

Do share the chores. You both make a mess sometimes.

Don’t think he/she is the only one who should clean up. Again… you both make the mess, you should both clean up. Your not children. Don’t act like you are.

When having a disagreement, do not negate his/her feelings or block them out when they’re talking to you. Their feelings are just as valid as yours.

Do respect him/her.

Don’t use “always” and “never”. Nobody “always” does something and “never” isn’t possible until you’re dead.

**Pro Tip** If your significant other is screaming and crazy, go look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason.

Got kids? Share the responsibility. It took two people to make them, it’s going to take two people to raise them.

Do always work on having the best relationship that you can possibly have.

Do not compare other relationships to yours or other partners to yours. Chances are someone else is looking at your relationship and your partner and wishing they had what you have.

Do remember – You could always have it better, you could always have it worse.

In a marriage, there is no such thing as “man’s work” or “woman’s work”. That is an archaic way of thinking, that needs to be done away with by both sexes. It’s about mutual respect. Marriage is, above all, a partnership that should be built on love and that mutual respect. You should both be doing everything within your power to take care of one another.

Ladies: Serving your man dinner, packing him a lunch or making him a cup of coffee, isn’t a sign of oppression. It’s a sign of care, respect and love.

Men: Serving your woman dinner, packing her lunch, making her coffee are ways you can show the lady you love and honor her. Cook her a nice meal, dish it up, and serve it to her. If you think it will detract from your manhood, think again buddy. You’re likely to be rewarded for that later.

Ladies are you listening? Feminism doesn’t mean you should never do anything for your man, it means knowing your worth and setting a high standard to ensure that you have a man who values you. It does not mean that you should never do anything nice for him, it means that you’re secure enough within your womanhood, to be okay with taking care of him and letting him take care of you back.

Men there is no place for chauvinism in a relationship in the 21st century. It never should have been a thing to begin with. Get over it.

After all, ladies and gentlemen… more than men and women, we are all human, and we all want to be cared for, loved and respected.

In matters of money, don’t compare paychecks and brag about who makes more, or belittle the one who makes less. That will make one of you feel like crap, and will undermine the relationship/partnership.

Bills should be shared or another arrangement can be made for other contributions as a whole. In other words, if one of you is a stay-at-home parent, and yes, men can be stay at home parents… that counts as a job. I know. I raised 5 boys by being a stay-at-home mom for a real long time and I worked my ass off everyday. Paychecks? Nope. Rewards? Yep. Equality.

Make smart decisions about money spending. You should never have to ask for permission to buy something, but you should always be willing to talk about a reasonable price range before the purchase is made, to be sure it’s affordable in relation to food and bills.

Never, never, never… say to him/her, “how much money did you spend?” in anything other than an accounting context for keeping track of your finances. You are not his/her father/mother. He/she is not your child.

Always remember, love is more important than anything else. Love the one you’re with, treat him/her the way you want to be treated, don’t play games. Life and love are not games. You can’t win everything, but you can lose everything. Remember that.

One last thing… stop with this BS statement: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

All that is, is a feeble attempt to justify rotten behavior that will eventually become the deciding factor in the end of what could have been a great relationship.

Nobody should have to “handle you” at your worst, or “deserve you” at your best. Grow up!

Many blessings… C.A. Bennett – Writer/Wife of 29 years and still learning.

It’s Complicated…

itscomplicated-620x325Marriage is a complicated thing, isn’t it? You either love the person your with, or you want to set their underwear on fire while they’re still wearing them, and these two emotions interchange throughout a single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. There is rarely an in-between.

I – having been married going on 29 years – know a thing or two about this odd phenomena, and I am here to tell you, marriage or even just living together, is not for the feint of heart. Very often, it’s not even for the steadfast and sturdy!

My parents were not well-suited. Their marriage ended before I was six, and both went on to have second failed marriages, and in the case of my father, who went through three ex wives, (that I know of) before he married one who liked him enough to stick with it till he passed away a couple years ago. She’s a really nice lady. She’d have to be to put up with my father! My husband’s parents could tell the same story. Needless to say, the odds of long-term marriage were stacked against us, if one were to believe the statistics, and one usually does.

As if that weren’t enough to keep things from moving past the first date, we have very little in common regarding interests or activities. So much so, that we have a running joke between us – If I like it, he doesn’t and vice versa.

I’m serious! If he thinks something is funny, it’s usually because it’s repulsive, and I am not a repulsive comedy person. He likes the kind of rock & roll where people are beating on their instruments and screaming at each other, while I really love 50’s & 60’s oldies, classic rock, and classical. I love the ballet, & opera, he loves motorcycle racing, I want to sit and knit, crochet, or weave, and he wants to run, jump, lift weights and train for Crossfit. You get the idea.

So what can we attribute to our ability to beat the odds, and stick it out? I believe there are more important things than parents experiences,  stats, and little things in common. For me, it’s the big things, like politics, religion, morality, and a mutual understanding that God and family come first. Nothing else matters anywhere near as much as those, and if you don’t have those big things in common, your chances of a successful long-term relationship are slimmer than ours, believe it our not!

Another big deal for me is being married to my intellectual equal. That is HUGE for me. I could never be married to a man who was a nice guy with a great body, if he isn’t very mentally stimulating. Let’s face it… one day, the body and the looks are gonna go, and he may always be a nice guy, but if I can’t have an intelligent conversation, fugetaboutit! I guess I’m a cerebral kind of person. But here’s the cool thing… so is my husband! He drives me up the freaking wall 23 hours a day, 6 days a week, but we have the BIG DEAL things in common, and we can TALK about important stuff!

But that’s us. It may not be you. We have some friends who are at total opposite ends of the spectrum where politics and religion are concerned, but they have a crazy amount of little things in common, and they simply avoid the big issues. I personally could not live that way. Why? Because if it’s important to me, I tend to be passionate about it. If I’m passionate about something, I promise you will hear me talk about it. If I can’t talk about it, you are probably not going to like my attitude much, because I do NOT like walking on eggshells.

It’s like this blog – I have so many interests and activities that I participate in regularly, that you would not believe one person would even want to be involved in so many different things at once. And yet you don’t see me posting all that much about those things. What you do see, are things that I am passionate about. My husband is the same way. Lots of little things, a few big things, and we are still here. Still together, after all these years. Either that, or we’re just stubborn… Could be stubborn!

What about you? What are you passionate about? What works for you in your relationship? What do you have to avoid to keep the peace? What do you have in common with your significant other? Feel free to comment below, as I do enjoy hearing from my readers!

As always, Many blessings!

C.A. Bennett – Writer

Tools of the Trade

2016-11-02-08-17-40My husband of 28 years and I, have very little in common when it comes to our interests. Movies, music, comedy, activities of all sorts, for us, are on opposite ends of the spectrum. What makes him laugh, makes me cringe. He works out regularly, and aspires to go to the CrossFit Games, I would rather sit on the couch and knit, while sipping tea or hot chocolate. We even differed greatly in terms of how best to raise the five sons we created together, but thankfully, they all survived our mutual parental ineptitude and made it to adulthood with all their parts and sensibilities intact! Good job, mom and dad. Good job resilient kids!

We do have a few things in common, however. Some very important things, in fact. Our political opinions are almost exactly the same. We also have our Christian beliefs, which is a HUGE thing when in a lifelong relationship with a person you must share a room with, believe me! We have some of the most wonderful conversations about God and faith, and nary an argument about it to be heard, with the rare exception, but brother, when we debate, we debate hard!

My husband and I also have tools in common. He has an incredible array of tools for any number of jobs. He has worked as a mechanic, and then an automotive and aircraft painter for thirty-plus years. He can fix the mechanical inner workings of almost any wheeled vehicle by getting under the hood, (or under the car, in some cases) and getting grease up to his elbows. He can make the outside of anything from a bicycle to an airplane beautiful again, by pulling and filling dents, and applying paint and a host of decoration. He is a hobbyist woodworker who has spent countless hours measuring, cutting, hammering nails, screwing screws. gluing, and creating something from seemingly nothing. The man owns a LOT of tools, some as new as purchased two days ago to fix my Buick, some – like an antique wood planer – one hundred years old and in dire need of restoration. He loves the old ones best. No matter which one he uses, the job gets done.

Me? I have tools of different types, but they are tools nevertheless. I have knitting needles and crochet hooks for creating a lovely array of warm clothing for the many children and their respective significant others. I have spinning tools that can make fine thread or bulky yarns depending on my mood. I have weaving looms that can make very fine and delicate fabric, or cloth which is utilitarian in nature. I can even create a simple tapestry if I have the inspiration and the motivation.

But my favorite tools, are my writing tools. I love to write! I write periodically throughout the day. I write in my personal journal every  night before going to sleep, no matter how tired I am. I even take a notebook with me to write on the go when the mood or an idea for one of my three novels-in-progress strikes. I’ve even been known to use the note app on my phone when I’ve been in a rush and forgot the notebook. I write. It’s as much a part of who I am as the color of my eyes, skin and hair.

My writing tools vary greatly. I have six notebooks, a binder, my 2014 Acer laptop, a 1992 Smith Corona Word Processor, and a 1956 Royal Aristocrat manual typewriter. As soon as I can afford it, I’ll purchase a newer Royal Epoch manual typewriter for it’s lighter weight, included carrying case, ease of use, non-electrical versatility, and the plain, simple fact that I would like to preserve my cherished vintage models by not beating them to death – occasional use for nostalgic sake, not withstanding, of course. No matter what I write with, the story gets told.

We – the hubster and I – also have different tools for our biblical research and edification. He prefers the New American Standard version of bible and has one his mother gave him many years ago, which bears the autograph of Hall of Fame baseball player, Reggie  Jackson, who was baptized at the church my husband and his family attended when he was a kid. He also has one that is an extensive study bible I gifted him with on an anniversary many years ago. I, myself own a lovely prophecy study bible given to me from my husband on a birthday a few years ago, and is the New King James Version, which I prefer, and Halley’s Bible Handbook, for greater understanding. No matter how old or which version, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever” – Hebrews 13:8.

So what’s the point? The point is, it doesn’t matter what version of what tool you use as long as it gets the job done! Find what works for you, then go forth and DO IT! “Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; And confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:17

May you be blessed in all things, and in all things may God have the glory, in Jesus’ name – amen 🙂

Don’t Be So Mean!!!!

I frequently watch videos or see a picture on Facebook, and want more information regarding what I’m watching, so I scroll through the comments. Though I hope for the best, I am almost ALWAYS disappointed by what I see – rude, mean, belligerent, comments by people who obviously think they are the supreme authority on whatever the topic may be, whether it’s a recipe, a craft project, or some kid or pet-related thing that was intended to be funny or heartwarming in some way.
 
I don’t know why people these days think they have the right to be so incredibly vicious in the expression of their opinions, but honestly, it’s HORRIBLE! Heavy use of profanity embedded in the worst name-calling I’ve ever seen, and very often, I see suggestions that the person posting should do something detrimental to themselves.
 
WHY?! Why do people feel they are justified in treating their fellow man this way?! It’s absolutely awful how people talk to and treat one another these days, and I for one, am SICK TO DEATH of it! Just because you have an opinion about something or someone, doesn’t mean you have the right to treat them badly. STOP THE HATE! Make the world a better place!!! It all starts with YOU and ME!
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Liberal vs. Conservative

I don’t know what disappoints me more – the lies that people come up with, or the sheer number of people who believe those lies.

Also…. the practical application of the term “liberal” is an oxymoron in our society.

The actual definition of Liberal is – “open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values. Concerned mainly with broadening a person’s general knowledge and experience, rather than with technical or professional training.”

Some of the most self-proclaimed “liberals” I’ve ever met, are also some of the most unbelievably militant beings of the face of the earth, who will yell at me and anyone else who opposes them because we disagree with their supposedly open-minded points of view.

The worst is when a conservative who happens to be a Christian, attempts to “agree to disagree” in an effort to prevent undue discord, and preserve the friendship. THAT’S when Christianity itself is attacked by the “liberal” and we (Christians) are all grouped into one category of insufferable judgmental jerks who deserve whatever bad thing happens to us, while the “liberals” attempt to force their incredibly militant policies on us.

I’m sure I’ll catch some flack for this, but if you are a “liberal” and you attempt to force your policies and your beliefs on me, while forcing your opinion of who gets to use what bathroom, who said what to whom, who grabbed whom, and why that’s somehow worse than someone who makes it their life mission to cause mayhem, death, and destruction to anyone who stands in their way, then you and I must agree to disagree.

If that means we can’t be friends then so be it, but that’s clearly your choice, not mine. As a conservative Christian, one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes you just have to love someone from a distance. Happy Thursday, and may you be ever blessed.