My Take On What Feminism Means
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Do offer to help him/her before the he/she asks.
Don’t be all forceful about it and give help if it’s not wanted/needed.
Do let him/her know they’re doing a good job and are appreciated.
Don’t wait until he/she has to call attention to be appreciated.
Do be supportive whether or not things are going right.
Don’t say “I Told You So” when things go wrong.
Do apologize when you screw up, because you will screw up. We all do.
Don’t act like Mr./Mrs. Perfect. You’re not. Nobody is.
Don’t criticize his/her choices – you’re one of them.
Do learn to accept advice or help from him/her when you need it. We all need help sometimes.
Don’t treat him/her like they don’t know anything. After all… why would you marry an idiot? Did he? Did she?
Do be willing to prepare and serve him/her drinks, meals, etc.
Don’t think it’s beneath you. It’s not.
Do share the chores. You both make a mess sometimes.
Don’t think he/she is the only one who should clean up. Again… you both make the mess, you should both clean up. Your not children. Don’t act like you are.
When having a disagreement, do not negate his/her feelings or block them out when they’re talking to you. Their feelings are just as valid as yours.
Do respect him/her.
Don’t use “always” and “never”. Nobody “always” does something and “never” isn’t possible until you’re dead.
**Pro Tip** If your significant other is screaming and crazy, go look in the mirror. You’re probably the reason.
Got kids? Share the responsibility. It took two people to make them, it’s going to take two people to raise them.
Do always work on having the best relationship that you can possibly have.
Do not compare other relationships to yours or other partners to yours. Chances are someone else is looking at your relationship and your partner and wishing they had what you have.
Do remember – You could always have it better, you could always have it worse.
In a marriage, there is no such thing as “man’s work” or “woman’s work”. That is an archaic way of thinking, that needs to be done away with by both sexes. It’s about mutual respect. Marriage is, above all, a partnership that should be built on love and that mutual respect. You should both be doing everything within your power to take care of one another.
Ladies: Serving your man dinner, packing him a lunch or making him a cup of coffee, isn’t a sign of oppression. It’s a sign of care, respect and love.
Men: Serving your woman dinner, packing her lunch, making her coffee are ways you can show the lady you love and honor her. Cook her a nice meal, dish it up, and serve it to her. If you think it will detract from your manhood, think again buddy. You’re likely to be rewarded for that later.
Ladies are you listening? Feminism doesn’t mean you should never do anything for your man, it means knowing your worth and setting a high standard to ensure that you have a man who values you. It does not mean that you should never do anything nice for him, it means that you’re secure enough within your womanhood, to be okay with taking care of him and letting him take care of you back.
Men there is no place for chauvinism in a relationship in the 21st century. It never should have been a thing to begin with. Get over it.
After all, ladies and gentlemen… more than men and women, we are all human, and we all want to be cared for, loved and respected.
In matters of money, don’t compare paychecks and brag about who makes more, or belittle the one who makes less. That will make one of you feel like crap, and will undermine the relationship/partnership.
Bills should be shared or another arrangement can be made for other contributions as a whole. In other words, if one of you is a stay-at-home parent, and yes, men can be stay at home parents… that counts as a job. I know. I raised 5 boys by being a stay-at-home mom for a real long time and I worked my ass off everyday. Paychecks? Nope. Rewards? Yep. Equality.
Make smart decisions about money spending. You should never have to ask for permission to buy something, but you should always be willing to talk about a reasonable price range before the purchase is made, to be sure it’s affordable in relation to food and bills.
Never, never, never… say to him/her, “how much money did you spend?” in anything other than an accounting context for keeping track of your finances. You are not his/her father/mother. He/she is not your child.
Always remember, love is more important than anything else. Love the one you’re with, treat him/her the way you want to be treated, don’t play games. Life and love are not games. You can’t win everything, but you can lose everything. Remember that.
One last thing… stop with this BS statement: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
All that is, is a feeble attempt to justify rotten behavior that will eventually become the deciding factor in the end of what could have been a great relationship.
Nobody should have to “handle you” at your worst, or “deserve you” at your best. Grow up!
Many blessings… C.A. Bennett – Writer/Wife of 29 years and still learning.
I was having a conversation with my husband, in which he made a joking comment about how I would turn the Christian world upside down with my point of view on a woman’s place in the world and in her family. By this, he is referring to my stance on how women are not to be treated as subservient to men, but to be equals.
What must be understood about this, is that when I say “equals” I actually mean exactly that. I don’t mean above, or below, I mean alongside, next to, or together if you will. Equals. Why? Let me tell you… when the Lord created Adam, it didn’t take long to see that he was lonely, so the Lord decided to create woman, to be his helper. He did not take a bone from Adam’s foot to create Eve to be tread upon like a doormat. He did not take a bone from Adam’s skull so that Eve could rule over him. The Lord took a bone from Adam’s ribcage, so that Eve would walk through life alongside him. Notice the word “helper” here. The bible does not say “servant” in regards to Eve. Never once does it refer to Eve as beneath Adam in the Lord’s eyes.
Now, I need you to understand this, because it’s important, and in fact crucial to your understanding of my point; The bible was inspired by God, but written by man – or humans, if you will, so as not to dump on the males of our species, because that is not my goal nor my desire here – and it was written in a PATRIARCHAL CULTURE. In other words, it was written at such a time in history that women were considered the weaker sex and were treated more like servants than like equals on a pretty regular basis. In fact, women were often treated quite badly, and I am sad to say there are still places and people who still subscribe to that way of thinking. Not cool.
However… as a bible scholar and Religious Studies major, I have done a good bit of research on the topic of a woman’s role in life, and let me tell you, we are anything BUT subservient! Female rulers have played a huge part in history, and often in very positive ways. Queen Elizabeth I for one, brought a war-torn, financially unstable kingdom into the greatest military and financially stable status they’d ever seen. So much so, that her reign is referred to as The Golden Age. Elizabeth refused to be treated as lesser just because she happened to be born female. By the way, she is my personal favorite female historical figure.
Another wonderful example is Deborah from the book of Judges, who was a prophet, and leader of the nation of Israel at that time. Deborah is referred to as “The Mother of Israel”, and lead the Israelites into battle against the Canaanite army, defeating them quite smartly. So what did you see there? A woman – who was married, by the way – became the leader of a nation, a military force to be reckoned with, a prophet, and the fourth judge of Israel. She was one tough chick! Does that sound subservient to you? Me either!
So let’s talk about subservient vs. submissive for a minute, because too many people get those two mixed up, and they are very different! In respect to the biblical use of wives being submissive to their husbands, we are talking about the family being a body, and the husband being the head of that body, and generally speaking, a body should only have one head. Submission to ones husband can be defined as, “a commitment to lift up your husband, encourage him, and be his helpmate through life. ”
As a Christian woman, I firmly believe in giving our husbands their place as head of the family, valuing their contributions & hard work for the greater good of the family body. That said, I fully expect to be treated with the same respect from my husband, valued for my contributions and given the same consideration for my thoughts, feelings, and opinions as he is. Why? Because we are equals. We are also equals in our intelligence, both having an IQ of 130, which kind of adds a bit of credibility to the whole equal thing, in my opinion. Anyway…..
Subservient: “Prepared to obey others unquestioningly. Less important, subordinate, serving as a means to an end. Servant or slave.”
Ladies and gentlemen, no man, woman or child deserves to be slave to anyone, regardless of sex, color, creed, race, or religion. I will be subservient to no one, and neither should you!
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
C.A. Bennett – Writer