Tag: Faith

How Do You Feel?

2881E7B6-04D2-452F-B53F-A48FBD2B60B8This morning, a Facebook writing group moderator posted the question, “How do you feel?” With a picture of Spock in front of the computer. The computer was asking the question of Spock and, being half Vulcan, he didn’t understand the question. His mother explained that the computer knows he’s half human, and is simply asking him how he feels in that context. Spock, in true Vulcan form, replies, “The question is irrelevant.” But is it? Even Spock has feelings, whether he chooses to acknowledge them or not.

As I sat there for a few minutes, pondering the question, I was slightly overwhelmed by what I really was feeling. Here’s what I came up with.

Depressed because I used to see my oldest four sons at least once a week, and I miss their big bear hugs, and refrigerator raids with, “What’s good to eat?” queries. I haven’t see them in person in two months.

Thankful for FaceTime so we can at least have cyber visits.

Annoyed because I used to enjoy going shopping and wandering aimlessly through malls, and visiting Barnes & Nobel, but now the options are extremely limited, and B&N is out of the question.

I miss going to the library only one block from my house, and where some of my friends work.

I miss meeting up to go out to eat every Thursday morning, when my husband is coming off night shift, and my youngest son and I are just getting our day started.

I miss seeing people’s faces, knowing they’re smiling without having to look for the eye crinkles behind the mask, and chatting with total strangers about random commonalities while out running errands.

I miss turning on the TV and radio without having to hear the latest death toll, and what to do to stay safe and healthy.

I miss not ever having heard the phrases, “Social Distancing” & “Shelter In Place.”

I miss opening Facebook and NOT seeing the term COVID-19 every other post.

I feel disappointed by all the people who have shown their true colors by hoarding food and toilet paper, behaving atrociously in public places, stealing their neighbors deliveries, and harassing their fellow humans.

I miss writing without the influence of being under lockdown and the depression it causes.

I feel sad for the high school students who will miss out on the prom, and both high school & college students who will not be walking in a hard-earned graduation ceremony this year.

I feel horrible for all the younger generation for having their own version of The Plague during what should be a time of discovery, growth, and celebration of life before having to settle into a life of adult responsibilities.

I feel afraid of what could be yet to come, but hopeful that things will get better.

I have faith in God, and pray for humanity every day, but still go over all the other things in my mind almost constantly.

Mostly, I feel tired.

So no, Mr. Spock, I don’t agree that the question is irrelevant, but I do know that even you eventually discovered that, and in the end, you sent a message to your mother. A message I hope we will all echo soon.

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Wait!!

9B5E527D-5FFA-47D3-8DA3-9BCC16D3AD9B“Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.” That’s an old saying my grandparent’s generation used when we needed to focus on the here and now and stop trying to see what’s in the future, because we can’t actually see the future. We can’t know everything, and we cannot control everything, only God can.

That can be hard on some of us humans. We can see what we want, but not how to get it. We can see what we need, but not always what needs to be done to achieve it. That’s where faith comes in. God always knows what’s in store for us, and what needs to happen to get to where we need to be. All we need to do is trust in Him.

I have all these dreams and goals in mind, and I know I want to do things in my lifetime that will last well after I leave this earth. I have five sons who are my legacy, and I am proud of them, and want the best for them. However, there are other things I would like to do, be, and achieve. When I was young, I wanted to be a teacher and an author. As an adult, I worked in the public school system for twelve years—first as a program coordinator, then as a behavior specialist. I loved working with kids, and I was good at it, but my career ended abruptly when I was injured and forced to walk with a cane for about three years.

Fun Fact: Public schools—at least in Northern California—will not allow adults who must use a cane to be employed with them because they consider it a liability, yet they do cater to disabled students. I have worked with many disabled students and they are some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met in my life. I just don’t think it’s the nicest thing that school districts discriminate against disabled adults.

Let’s talk about my dream of being an author for a moment… I love to write. I wrote a book, (I write hard-boiled detective/crime fiction) and published it on January 22, 2020. I want to be a successful author. I would love to see my books sell in the millions and be able to reach readers the world over. I want to buy a house. For the first time in my life, I would love to own a home. I’d like to leave it to my kids and leave them an inheritance that will sustain them for years to come.

I would like to help people in need. I’ve always been one of those people who give the few dollars I have left in my wallet, to someone on a street corner. Or donate to a good cause for a sick pet, friend, or family member. I’ve given away several of my typewriters to those who express an interest in writing, or have some terrible, difficult story they want to tell even if only to themselves. My heart goes out to people who are in bad situations. If I have something to give of myself, I do it. I enjoy it.

The problem is—I can’t always see the future. I don’t always know what will happen next, or when it will happen, and that makes me very impatient sometimes. I try not to be. I try to remember to be faithful, and put my trust in The Lord, but sometimes I do have a hard time with that. What do I do in those times? I pray. I just have a simple conversation with God and ask Him what he needs from me. I ask Him to show me what He wants me to do and then I try my best to listen.

It’s funny, but when I sat down to write this post, I was feeling a little down because I had just looked at my book sales for this week and was disappointed with the fact that only four copies sold all week. I was frustrated and wanted to think about anything but that, so I sat down with the intention of working on the second book in the series in order to focus my frustrations in a productive direction.

Before I work on my books, I always do little finger exercises and just type random thoughts as they come to me in order to loosen up my fingers and get the blood flowing through my brain. That way, the words can flow easier. Then this happened. What began as a simple writing exercise born of frustration, ended up being a way for The Lord to remind me to be patient and let Him work. Sometimes the reason we can’t see the forest for the trees, is because the path hasn’t yet been cleared, and we need to wait. Just wait. It’ll happen. Have faith.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” —Proverbs 3:5–6

 

By the way—Just in case you’d like to read my book, the links to all the sources can be found Here    🙂

Recognition

Recognition

Post Script: Sometimes we need to step back, get out of our own way, and realize that we have a problem. That doesn’t mean we have a drug problem, it could be anything. The point is, it’s something that’s keeping us from our true destiny, and God’s blessings, and we don’t always realize how much better things could be, if we just trust Him to help us. Put your trust and faith in the Lord today. He loves you so much, he gave his only son so that you should have eternal life and have it abundantly. No matter how bad things have been for you, or what’s got you down, God will always recognize you, and never question your identity.

Psalm 139: 13 – 16

King David was praying to the Lord who chose him above all others to lead the kingdom and people of Israel, and said, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Trust me… even if I don’t recognize you… God does. All you have to do is recognize Him 🙂

 

On The Road

Don’t let anyone fool you, It’s not The Road that’s long.

The Road isn’t there to dissuade you from traveling it.

The Road is there to invite you in,

To lure you to it, because it needs you.

 

So many are intimidated by the distance they have yet to travel,

What they don’t see…

How could they see if they never look?

Is how far they’ve come.

 

“We are born, we live, we die.”

Is what the poets say,

But how could there be nothing in between?

Find your Road, and do not try to see how far you have to go,

Rather, enjoy the journey as you travel.

 

Touch everything

See everything

Smell and Taste everything

 

And sometimes…. but only sometimes…

Turn and see how far you’ve come.

 

You are not alone,

You are NOT alone.

 

You and The Road are traveling together.

Ever since you took your first step,

The Road has been there to guide you,

To teach you,

To bring you where you need to be.

To bring you to other travelers, and them to you.

 

You are not alone.

 

On The Road

 

C.A. Bennett – Writer

 

God & Band-Aid’s

tireSometimes good things happen that you would never think possible. Take Band-Aid’s for example; They’re good for just about any minor wound care, and can be found in pretty much every household and definitely every doctor’s office and hospital you will ever set foot in. Heck, they even keep them in all the school offices and classrooms I’ve ever worked in. But would you ever – even for a minute – think they might handle a job as touchy and tough as fixing a flat tire? Me either! Well… until today…

My husband Rob and I went to see our grown boys, and to help with a run to the dump with some old junk. We have a 1972 Ford F-250 that was built to last, and though it’s a big-time gas guzzler, it sure comes in handy now and again! After a day of dad and son loading and unloading, and visiting over a late lunch, it was time to go home. Now home is a few miles away, across three counties, past three bridges, and over three highways. There’s a lot of delta farmland in between here and there, and out I past a certain point, not a lot at places to pull over and stop or get help in times of need.

Well as we were on the freeway, Rob felt the truck doing a little shimmy-shake, and noticed it was pulling to the left real hard. Not good! We hadn’t quite made it to the first bridge, which goes up pretty high over a large body of water, so we were in trouble. Rob pulled off the first exit he came to, just before the toll bridge, and we found our way into the gas station parking lot. Sure enough, the front driver side tire was almost completely flat, and to top it off, it was raining.

Now remember, this awesome and tough truck of ours is a big one, and we’ve got a few days till payday, so having it towed home is really not an option at this point. Neither is leaving it in a not-so-great area unsupervised for three days. So, I called one of the boys, told him what happened, asked if he’d come and help us out, which of course he did agree to do, but the round-trip would be at least two hours, and a bunch at gas plus bridge toll, and we didn’t want him to have to do that unless absolutely necessary.

So… the old man and I thought for a minute, and he asked if we had any tape. Turned out the valve stem had broken and air was leaking out like crazy, but if he held it to the side, and kept it there, it was almost completely sealed off and didn’t leak much. After rifling through the cab of the truck, the best I could come up with was a box of Band-Aid’s. I held it up, laughed, and jokingly said, “You could put a band-aid on its owie!” Rob laughed too, and went back to the task of trying to figure out what to do.

Out of nowhere, as l was putting the box back in the compartment, I felt strongly that we should give them a try. I shook my head thinking it was silly, but “Give it a try!” ran through my head again. So… I got out, went around with the box in hand and started peeling a few of them open, and told Rob, “Here – give these a try. Couldn’t hurt, right?” He shrugged and said, “Why not!” We figured the kid was on the way, but maybe we could get over the bridge and a few miles closer to home to make things easier on all of us. Band-Aid on, tire filled with air and holding for now, Rob hopped in and did his best to get it as far as he could as fast as he could. I called the kid, and gave the update with a, “Go ahead and come out, and you’ll probably find us on the side of the road somewhere waiting for you, but at least we’ll be closer to home.” And then I prayed for the grace of God and a small miracle.

Well the tire was still leaking, but not as fast, and we made it to the next town, where we repeated the air/Band-Aid/praying for grace procedure, and within about twenty minutes of the first call to our son, I was able to report that by the grace of God and a Band-Aid, we’d made it home on what had been a flat tire on a 5,000 lb. truck, in the rain. What’s more… after we got home, we found out the back tire on the same side was also going flat, but held till after we’d made it home. That combination could have easily resulted in an accident, and where we live an accident can mean going down an embankment into someone’s farm, or into the river. Neither of those turns out very well for most of the people it happens to. God is so good it amazes me! There’s just nothing He can’t do, Praise the Lord!

**Please do NOT take this story to mean that a band aid will work to fix your tire! I would not want anyone to get hurt! In any other situation, I would not have attempted this, and neither should you!!**

Blessings,

C.A. Bennett – Writer